You walk outside the party, towards your car. As you turn to unlock your door, you feel a threatening presence behind you. You turn around, frightened, and see a cruel looking man lean over you, one hand on either side.
“Let’s have some fun” he says.
He grabs you roughly and presses into you, you try to scream but he covers your mouth. For a moment you think about Damon, who you left inside, mentally willing him to save you…and then…
You slam your head forward into his nose. As he falls back reeling, you follow by slamming your foot as hard as you can in a pushing motion into his abdomen pushing him away from you. Not a damsel in distress, a damsel in defense. As he stumbles back you pull your mace from your keychain and spray directly at his face, making sure to quickly turn around and away from the spray so you aren’t affected too. At nearly the same time you run. Either back to the party or the nearest group of people, or if you had nearly opened your car, into the front seat where you quickly slam and lock the door. And of course then you call the police. You were expecting a damsel in distress. He got a damsel in defense and it left him the worse for wear.
I know, it’s not romantic. It’s not the fantasy that fuels the sales of thousands of romance novels. If you find rescue fantasies erotic, the kind where a handsome man appears just in time to deliver you from danger with his “always stronger than 10 other men” strength, you don’t need to be ashamed.
A psychologist told me once that in polling thousands of women, he had discovered that what women want more than anything is safety, and what they fear in connection with that is rape.
He explains that women, from a young age, accept many things. From the time they play with dolls they know that they will grow up and give a lot of what they are to a man. They will take his last name, have his children, and go where he goes. I know this isn’t all little girls, but it certainly applies to a lot of the women I’m reaching out to. Women raised in gentle and conservative environments. He says that women are fine with this because the man they are with will provide safety. I know this is going to upset feminists and liberated women, but I really do feel that there is something in a woman’s nature intrinsically connected with wanting protection. From a biological standpoint it makes sense because we are smaller.
Men have a hard time understanding this. They think romance novels are about the sex. They aren’t. The twilight series asserts this, with it’s frequent rescue fantasies and extremely limited physical intimacy. If you took the time to open romance novels at the drugstore, you’d notice far more rescue fantasies where a man saves a woman from another man than you would see sex scenes, in my experience. No women like talking about it, and no women like admitting it, but it’s still a reality.
In the mental image at the beginning of this post, I’m sure there was excitement, and then a letdown. Even if it isn’t erotic to save yourself, there should a be a rush because taking care of yourself is empowering. The next time you are reading or thinking a rescue fantasy, I encourage you to take a moment to visualize the same moment, but with you taking control of your own safety. Even if that’s only screaming. Picture yourself hitting and kicking and fighting for your life. And if this inspires you to go take a self defense class all the better. If nothing else, it will help you be more prepared mentally, because if your only mental image of being attacked is erotic helplessness, how will you be ready to fight for your life? As I mentioned in my Your Own Knight post, men can’t be everywhere.
Besides, being able to take care of yourself is super hot. Imagine how happy Damon in the above fantasy was when he came outside to see his lover ensuring her own safety. It’s fine to still let yourself have rescue fantasies at times too, but I hope you’ll mix it up and let yourself be the hero sometimes too.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed on damsel in defense are just my personal opinions. Damselindefense.com is not liable in any way for actions arising from reading it. Additionally, damselindefense.com is not affiliated with the recent company damselindefense.net that was founded nearly a year after my blog.